Understanding and Respecting Gender Pronouns

Let’s start with this: pronouns matter. They are not just words—they are affirmations of identity, respect, and humanity. When someone tells you their pronouns, they’re trusting you with a piece of who they are. It might seem like a small thing, but trust me: getting it right can make a world of difference.

In recent years, there’s been a growing awareness around gender pronouns, but for some people, it’s still a confusing or uncomfortable topic. Maybe you’re wondering, What’s the big deal? Why do pronouns even matter? Or maybe you’re on your own journey of understanding your gender, and you’re exploring pronouns for yourself. Wherever you’re coming from, this guide is for you.

So, let’s break it down. What are pronouns, why are they important, and how can we use them in a way that shows respect and care?

What Are Gender Pronouns?

Pronouns are the words we use to refer to people in place of their names. Common pronouns include:

• She/Her/Hers: Often used by women.
• He/Him/His: Often used by men.
• They/Them/Theirs: A gender-neutral pronoun used by nonbinary people, as well as by those who don’t feel comfortable with strictly masculine or feminine pronouns.

But those aren’t the only options! Some people use neopronouns, such as:

• Ze/Zir/Zirs
• Xe/Xem/Xyrs
• Ey/Em/Eirs

And some people prefer no pronouns at all, opting to simply be referred to by their name.

Pronouns are a reflection of a person’s gender identity. While many people’s pronouns align with the gender they were assigned at birth, this isn’t the case for everyone. For transgender, nonbinary, genderqueer, and gender-nonconforming people, pronouns are often a way to affirm and express who they truly are.

Why Do Pronouns Matter?

Imagine someone calling you by the wrong name, over and over again, even after you’ve corrected them. It feels dismissive, frustrating, maybe even hurtful. That’s what it’s like when someone misuses a person’s pronouns—it invalidates their identity.

Using the correct pronouns is a way to show respect. It’s a simple but powerful acknowledgment of someone’s humanity and individuality. For many people in the LGBTQ+ community, hearing the right pronouns can feel like finally being seen for who they are.

On the flip side, intentionally using the wrong pronouns (known as misgendering) is more than just rude—it can be a form of discrimination. For trans and nonbinary people, misgendering is often tied to feelings of erasure, rejection, and even danger. This is why using the correct pronouns isn’t just “political correctness.” It’s about basic decency and kindness.

How to Ask for Someone’s Pronouns

It’s okay to feel unsure about how to ask someone for their pronouns, especially if you’re not used to these conversations. The key is to approach the topic with openness and respect. Here are some ways to do it:

1. Introduce Yourself With Your Own Pronouns First:
   Example: “Hi, I’m Alex, and I use they/them pronouns. What about you?”
   By sharing your own pronouns, you create a safe space for others to share theirs.

2. Keep It Simple and Respectful:
   Example: “What pronouns do you use?” or “Can I ask your pronouns?”
   Most people will appreciate that you’re making the effort to respect their identity.

3. Avoid Assuming Pronouns Based on Appearance:
   Gender expression doesn’t always align with someone’s pronouns. Don’t assume—just ask.

4. Be Mindful of Context:
   If you’re in a group setting or a professional environment, be careful not to put someone on the spot. Instead, consider including pronouns in introductions (“My name is Jordan, I use he/him”) or on name tags and email signatures.

What If You Make a Mistake?

First of all, let’s get one thing straight: everyone messes up sometimes. It’s part of being human. What matters is how you handle the situation.

Here’s what to do if you use the wrong pronoun:

1. Apologize Quickly and Sincerely:
   Example: “I’m sorry, I meant to say they, not she.”
   Keep it short—there’s no need to make it a big production.

2. Correct Yourself and Move On:
   The best thing you can do is fix your mistake, learn from it, and keep the conversation going.

3. Avoid Over-Apologizing:
   Saying “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry, I feel awful, I can’t believe I did that” puts the focus on you instead of the person you misgendered. Acknowledge the mistake and move forward.

4. Commit to Doing Better:
   Mistakes happen, but they should be a learning experience. Make an effort to remember the correct pronouns moving forward.

How to Normalize Pronouns in Everyday Life

Making pronouns part of everyday interactions helps create a world where respecting gender identities becomes second nature. Here’s how you can normalize pronouns in your daily life:

1. Include Your Pronouns in Introductions:
   Add them to your email signature, social media bios, or Zoom name. It shows that you respect pronouns and encourages others to do the same.

2. Use Gender-Neutral Language When Unsure:
   Instead of “he or she,” try “they.” Instead of “ladies and gentlemen,” go for “everyone” or “folks.” Gender-neutral language makes conversations more inclusive.

3. Speak Up Against Misgendering:
   If you hear someone using the wrong pronouns, gently correct them: “Actually, Sam uses they/them pronouns.” This small act can make a big difference.

4. Educate Yourself:
   The more you learn about gender identities and pronouns, the easier it will be to use them correctly. Read articles, watch videos, and engage with LGBTQ+ creators who share their experiences.

Pronouns Are For Everyone

Sometimes, people think pronouns are just an “LGBTQ+ thing,” but that’s not true. Everyone has pronouns! Whether you’re cisgender (your gender identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth) or not, pronouns are part of how you navigate the world.

By respecting pronouns, you’re not just supporting trans and nonbinary people—you’re creating a culture where everyone feels safe to be themselves. Isn’t that the kind of world we all want to live in?

Respecting gender pronouns isn’t hard—it’s an act of love, kindness, and basic humanity. It’s about looking at someone and saying, “I see you. I respect you. I honor who you are.”

So let’s make it a habit. Let’s normalize asking, sharing, and using pronouns correctly. It’s a small act that has a big impact, and it’s something we can all do to make the world a little kinder, a little safer, and a whole lot more inclusive.

And if you’re someone who’s still figuring out your own pronouns, know this: you don’t have to have all the answers right now. Your identity is valid, no matter where you are on your journey. Take your time. You’ll get there.

We see you. We respect you. We’re with you.